Adjustments

So it’s been about three weeks since I have moved back home. It’s been quite an adjustment for me.

I am very much used to being alone or at least independent of others. Even when I was in a roommate situation, we were both self-sufficient and stayed in our own space. I am at a loss for how to operate in such close quarters. It’s off-putting and it’s giving me anxiety. I find myself pulling away and not wanting to engage. I just want to be left alone.

How do you get your family to see you and respect you for who you are NOW, as an adult?

Since I work from home, it’s hard to get my family to understand that just because I am home (and in pajamas) doesn’t mean I am available to be the daily delivery person or errand runner. Most of the family gets it, but…. it just gets tiring repeating things. I can’t even get on the computer to blog (hence the lack of posts lately) or just surf without a whole bunch of questions. It’s annoying. I don’t want to explain why I am online and I shouldn’t have to. 💻 💻

Creating a balance is going to be important in keeping my sanity. For anyone that works from home, how do you manage the professional aspects of your 9-to-5 versus any family obligations?

I’ve also started working out again and watching my nutrition more carefully. As a result, I shop and cook separately from everyone else. So I feel like an outsider and pretty much unsupported. But I know that I can not expect people to automatically support my health changes. I know my journey is just that, MINE. I can’t ask a bunch of unhealthy eaters to suddenly start eating carrot sticks, esp. if that is not what they want. I just wish there wasn’t such much temptation in the home– booze, chips, cake, candy. Just constant every day, every minute. I wanna dump all this shit down the toilet, lol. But I know I can’t! 🚽 🚽

If you live in a home filled with temptations and “non-dieters,” what strategies do you use to 1) stay on track and 2) not feel like the food police?

I know that a lot of what I am feeling and experiencing is mental. I have to remember it is mind over matter and not to take things personal. After all, they are my family. They love me and support me (in the broader “life” sense). But I often find myself really holding back and not speaking just to keep some peace. I also stay in my room a lot; I feel protected in there. 🔐

Adjustment is the name of the game. On both ends. All I can do is focus on how I deal and manage my feelings, as well as my expectations. But I am open to suggestions. If you have any tips or feedback, esp. if you have been in a similar situation, then please let me know. I’m all ears! 👂 👂

I’ll keep you posted. 😉

Am I Coming or Going?

*sighs deeply*

Tomorrow completes my move from the DMV back to NYC. So many acronyms, pfft. But this has been the longest.move.ever. Six months. I’m tired, mentally and physically.

I am starting to feel some anxiety. It’s the finality of it all, I suppose. In some way I am giving up my life (as I know it) and my freedom. Even though I’ve been couch surfing, I have had space to be me. Not sure if that will be the case when I return home.

Home. What a double-edged word.

I am grateful I have somewhere to go. Nothing like having a supportive family. They welcome me back with open arms. But lots has changed since I last lived at home, which was 1994.

I am older now. Much older.

I’ve lived most of my adult life very independently. I’m a grown woman with needs.

I feel like I am reverting, going back in time, becoming a kid again. That’s not cool.

 Coming home or going home– which is it?

 There is a difference. I just need to figure it out.